Seeing Struggles As Gifts
It’s hard to watch our kids struggle, no matter their age. Whether it’s learning to put on their own shoes, having trouble with friends or applying to college, it hurts to watch. When we step in to relieve them, by fixing it or rescuing them from their discomfort, we actually take away precious opportunities for them to build resilience and a deeper understanding of how to navigate hard times.
I definitely did this more times than I’d like to admit over the last 19 years while raising my boys. In retrospect I realize that it was not really saving them from their suffering but rescuing myself from my own. I’m not proud of that, but I also know that it’s never too late to change and that you can teach an old Mom new tricks.
These epiphanies are really helpful outside of the moment. But when struggle strikes and emotions get high, it's so easy to give in and revert back to old habits. When we tune into our own emotional experiences it can help turn thought into action. My own lived experience with struggle recently, really brought home this parenting lesson for me.
I have a really hard time with technology. I can do the basics, but if I have to go beyond that I am easily frustrated. A few weeks ago I had to make some adjustments to my new website using a platform that I was not familiar with. With sweaty palms and an increased heart rate I sat down to the task.
Without going into the boring details, it wasn’t straight forward (shocking, I know). I cursed, I googled, I took a break, a few deep breaths and muscled my way through. I used ALL of my coping strategies. In the end I prevailed and accomplished what I set out to do. It felt AMAZING! I surfed that feeling for the rest of the week! In large part because it was SO hard for me and required so much resolve and resilience. It also raised my confidence for the next time I need to face a daunting tech task.
As adults we chase that feeling of accomplishment, and yet we often forget that without the struggle there is no way to access it or build new resilience or increase our confidence. Having that felt sense of my own accomplishment made me want that for my kids too. Tuning into your own emotional experiences can be an amazing motivator and create just the mindset shift needed to chose a different path in our parenting.
