10 things I wish I had known sooner as a parent
Here are 10 things I wish I had known sooner as a parent—and that I make sure to pass on to the parents I work with:
1. My Child’s Behavior Does Not Reflect My Parenting!
It’s so easy to internalize a child’s behavior as a reflection of our parenting. But remember, children act out for many reasons—developmental stages, sensory overload, emotional regulation struggles, or simply because they’re learning how to navigate the world. It’s important to separate your child’s behavior from your worth as a parent.
2. Everyone Has a Different Sensory Profile!
Every child experiences the world through their own unique sensory lens. Some may be highly sensitive to noise, textures, or even the way things smell. Others might seek out sensory input. Understanding your child's sensory profile (and your own) can help you respond more effectively and have more understanding and compassion for your child’s experience.
3. Connection = Cooperation
When a child feels connected to you, they are more likely to cooperate. Building trust and emotional connection lays the foundation for healthy interactions. It’s not about controlling behavior but about fostering an environment where they feel seen, heard, and safe. Sometimes something as simple as connecting before you corredct
4. Modeling is Powerful!
Children learn so much through observation. When we model the behaviors we want to see, they are more likely to mimic them. Whether it’s practicing calmness during stressful situations or demonstrating empathy, children are keen observers and learn more from us than we often realize.
5. Try Not to Fix Everything!
We naturally want to “fix” our children’s problems or make their pain go away. However, sometimes, just being there and listening is the most powerful thing we can do. Let them process their emotions, even if it’s uncomfortable. It’s through this process that they learn to self regulate and cope and build their emotional resilience.
6. Get Curious: What’s the Message Behind the Behavior?
When a child acts out, it’s easy to react with frustration. But instead of simply correcting the behavior, try to get curious. What is the child really trying to communicate? Are they tired? Hungry? Overstimulated? Or are they just testing boundaries? Behavior often carries a message, and getting curious can help you uncover it and put you on the path to responding instead of reacting to the situation.
7. Repair is Everything!
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. What’s crucial is the ability to repair after a misstep—whether you yelled, had a misunderstanding, or did something unintentionally that hurt your child. Apologizing and showing that you can own your mistakes teaches children the power of accountability and forgiveness.
8. Kids Are Not Adults!
It’s easy to forget that children are still learning about the world and how to manage their feelings. What might seem like an overreaction to us is a big deal to them. Their brains are still developing, and they often don’t have the tools we do to regulate emotions or understand complex situations. Patience is key!
9. Share Yourself and Your Experience
Don’t be afraid to share your feelings and experiences with your child—appropriately, of course. When you show vulnerability and talk about your own emotions, it teaches them that it's okay to express their feelings too. You become a model for emotional intelligence and communication.
10. Stay Present: Don’t Time Travel!
It’s easy to get lost in worries about the future or ruminate on past mistakes. But children need us in the present moment. Practice staying grounded with them in the now, and avoid time traveling into “what if” scenarios. This helps reduce stress for both you and the child, and strengthens your bond.
